i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
