She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
