I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
