dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
