Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
