i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
