I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
