so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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