i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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