Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
