everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
