well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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