So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
