My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
