You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
