ya dads aren't the best wingmen
one two three fourrrrnication!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
