Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
