I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
