3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
