so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So many bounce houses so little time
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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