I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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