giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
