That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
