yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
