Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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