i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
