Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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