fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize