then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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