WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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