The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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