On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
