jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
