And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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