are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
