we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
