Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
