Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
