Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
