Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
