Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
