his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
