your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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