Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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