I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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