Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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