You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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