I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize