i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
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Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
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I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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