boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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