Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
