yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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