Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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