well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
