and i looked up. we had an audience...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
