Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize