she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
