Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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