I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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