IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
