He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
