You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I party with great urgency now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
