she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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