I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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