I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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