I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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