so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
