i just wanna soil my oats bro
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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