Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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