am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
